Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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