Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
