Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
