I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
