I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
