she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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