i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
