She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize