I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
