remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
