he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
