when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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