just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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