just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm really busy with my period
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