sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
