Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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