Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
