I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize