so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
