and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
