We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
