Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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