I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize