There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
