The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
