Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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