I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
