Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
