he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
