my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
