I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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