cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
