I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
