You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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