just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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