Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
