You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
