This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize