Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
