is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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