I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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