Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
