Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
