You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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