i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
