I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
