my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize