i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
