My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
