I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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