She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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