mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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