Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
