I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
