Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
