She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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