ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
