Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We were destined to go to rehab together
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
