I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you never un-have a 4some
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
