I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize