This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
