I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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