I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
