You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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