Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
