that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
