Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
