Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize