New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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