If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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