Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
