Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This girl is more easily done than said...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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