Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
