i think i have herpe
just one?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
