Tell her she can't have a vagina
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
