Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
