11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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