if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
