East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
