I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
