Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
