I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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