Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
