were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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