Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
