I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize