whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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