Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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