Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
