if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
