His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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