apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
