Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
