one two three fourrrrnication!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
