1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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